I received this email from a quasi friend.
He paints a picture with his words and is always very colorful. This is 3 emails joined.

Part 1 July 21/2007
Well I just got back from an overnight stay in Vancouver. What can
say. Lots! As I drove into town I could see the night was going to be
filled laughter and gaiety. So I thought it would be best to change
out of my pink plaid pants and into something more urban. There we go,
back on track. Still the night would be filled with laughter and
gaiety, just less with those pants safely packed back into the
suitcase. I pulled my vintage, but still beautiful, 1988 Honda Accord
up in front of the swankest Hotel I could afford. I got out of the car
and as I stepped over the bum sleeping on the curb, I caught the
faintest scent of urine mixed with rum. Mmmm rum. My heart was racing,
the excitement was intensifying. I walked into the hotel lobby and
felt right at home, who doesn't think of home with the smell of black
mold, dirt and empty beer bottles. I rang the bell and the desk clerk
immediately jumped out of her chair. Who said there aren't careers for
former prostitutes with one eye and facial hair? This career girl find
herself a whole new lease on life, and dressed the part. Will the
elastic belt with the butterfly ever go out of style? I think not. My
suite was lovely and I was pleasantly surprised to find the hotel
followed the European style lodging. With today's advances in
medicated foot creams why would anyone be shy about sharing a bathroom
and shower with the entire floor's guests? Not this cowgirl. Safely
tucked into my room I chose to undwind a little to prepare myself for
the nights events.

Part 2 coming soon

Part 2 August 8/2007
After resting my tired head on the pillow, I pulled myself up and off
the bed. I looked into the mirror and said to myself... Well first I
took a minute to marvel at how my hair still looked so great after
that long trip, but I digress. I said to myself, "No matter how messy
or dirty it gets tonight I won't judge you in the morning and will
always love you, so go out there and do this one for all the gays boys
out there who weren't as fortunate to have your bone structure".
Feeling very confident I reach into my suitcase and pulled out the
case of beer I brought with, it never hurts to have a little liquid
courage to feel even prettier. I cracked open that luke warm beer with
my lighter, lit up one of my elegant Benson & Hedges 100's and new the
night had started. As I danced around the room to Rihanna's Umbrella
song, I stopped to realize I would have venture down the hall to have
a shower. I was a little scared, what if some rugged good looking
lonely traveller pulled back the shower current and took me right
there on the spot? I touched my index finger to my chin as I cocked my
head to the side in thought, I quickly through on my house coat and
ran down the hall to the showers. After an hour I gave up hope and
came back to my room. As I ritualistically primped myself with various
lotions, gels and potions I spotted those perfect jeans I just bought
laying across the bed. These jeans were nothing short of sex. You know
the jeans, we have all had at least one pair in life, tight in the
spots they should be and forgiving in the areas they need to be.
Looking and smelling like a million bucks, I slid one leg and then
other into my new secret weapon. As I turned around to look at my ass
in the mirror a tear rolled down my cheek, perfection. I quickly
finished dressing and ran down the hall, down the stairs, out the door
and into the cool night. As I stood on the street wondering which way
to go I heard the beat. The beat to some undentifiable gay song
calling to me like some long lost lover. I headed straight up Davie
St. strutting my stuff. I felt like one those house wives in those
Reitmans commercials. I was on the cat walk baby and nothing was going
to stop me tonight. Part 3 coming soon!

Part 3 August 13/2007

As I headed up Davie St. I started to wonder where to go for dinner. I
just couldn't go to any place, us single girls know all to well
there's nothing lonelier than a table for one. I had to find the
perfect spot and knew only another gay man could help with my dilemma.
I walked into a bookstore and as I wondered the aisles I kept my eye
out for the angel I knew the gods would send me. As I came around the
corner I spotted him. A boy of only twenty leafing through Amy
Sedaris' new book, "I Like You". A book I might add is full of great
recipes and the essentials of how not to entertain. A must have! As I
said, "excuse me but I am from out town", the most beautiful blue eyes
met my even more beautiful blue eyes. I could tell he was instantly in
love, but the night was too young for a smart boy bookstore
rendezvous. I did that once and the paper cuts where a nightmare, but
we will talk more about my penis in part 5. As I flirted the
information out of him and turned to go on my way, I looked over my
shoulder to give him that tease smile. You know the smile, I like you
but you can't have me just now. He was crushed. The place of choice
was called The Majestic. A restaurant with Earls inspired decor, but
with drags queens on stage to distract you from your soggy caesar
salad. This place was hopping and the only table available was on the
patio off in the corner. Oh yes, did I mention it was raining. This
was only my first stop of many for the night and a girl has to be
prepared for anything, even the dreaded single girl table for one. The
place was packed with a mix of every gay man you could imagine with
tables of straight yuppies who thought they were living on the edge.
The girls were divine. These weren't drag queens, they were
entertainers. There is really nothing sexier than a 6'4 black man
singing Diana Ross songs with the flair of all the divas of the past.
There ain't no mountain high enough, there ain't no valley low enough
to keep this diva down. I wasn't sure if it was glitter on his face or
the lights glistening off his sweat. A black diva with a sweaty face,
now there's a Whitney Houston moment. I'm quite sure he was having a
Whitney moment back stage too. "Ah, honey you got a little powder on
your nose...Yup, there you go...Otherside...You got it." I had enough
of my single girl table moment so I thought to myself, "nobody puts
Baby in the corner." Then Patrick Swazye walked in and I jumped off
the stage he caught me in his arms over his head. Then everyone
started dancing this choreographed dance. This is the moment I
realized I might have too many cosmopolitans. Part 4 coming soon.

A report on CNET News.com today notes that Apple will be holding a "product presentation" Tuesday, August 7 for members of the media. "The event will take place at Apple's headquarters in Cupertino, Calif., at 10 a.m. PDT and 'Apple executives' will be present, the representative said, declining to say whether CEO Steve Jobs will show up. Presumably, he'll be in the building." A usual, the company has given no indication as to what product(s) it will be discussing.

**rubs hands together in anticipation**